


finally, finally, finally safe for me to fall

by phenomenology



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Blood and Injury, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Major Character Injury, Team as Family, Temporary Character Death, tagging is the worst part of the posting experience tbh, tagging those two just to be safe, the shadowgast is pretty minor but sure i'll tag it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23116450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phenomenology/pseuds/phenomenology
Summary: Beau was entirely sure she did not trust Essek just yet, despite everything he had done for them.But damn, was he dangerous during a fight.--spoilers for c2e97 & 98 but just kind of my own take on some things with an idea that had been bouncing around for a while
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & Caleb Widogast, Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 13
Kudos: 287





	finally, finally, finally safe for me to fall

**Author's Note:**

> finally // beautiful stranger by halsey had a small part in the vibes for this piece

Beau was entirely sure she did not trust Essek just yet, despite everything he had done for them. She _wanted_ to trust him, so badly. He was solid and consistent and there were aspects of him that Beau found herself relating to on such a personal level it was almost a challenge to distrust him. But there were things he had asked them to do, to withhold certain information from his own crown, that didn’t quite sit well with her. And then there was the whole matter of him betraying his crown coming to light, of being in some way responsible for all of the innocent lives lost during the war, and Beau was having a hard time moving past that and forgiving him. 

But _damn_ , was he dangerous during a fight.

They had all expected it, knowing how powerful Essek was when he was just keeping up appearances in Rosohna. Really, they could only assume (before now, that is) that when he was actually trying to fight he would be downright terrifying.

She had been keeping an eye on Caleb – as Beau was wont to do in a skirmish – and by proxy, Essek. The drow hadn’t left Caleb’s proximity since the enemies first made themselves known, the wizards' magic nearly intertwining as they cast. It was actually quite beautiful to witness, but Beau had other things to focus on.

Swinging her staff and catching the creature she was facing right in the abdomen, the thing wheezed heavily and crumpled, leaving Beau to easily finish it off. Taking the brief reprieve to gasp for breath, Beau whirled to find Caleb, eyes frantic when she couldn’t spot him for a moment. But then the melee parted and she caught sight of tendrils of fire snaking rapidly across the ground to coil around several different hostile figures. She knew that spell, knew that flare, and felt the tightness in her chest recede in the wake of relief. She didn’t think that Caleb needed her quite as close as she normally kept, not with Essek watching his back so carefully, but instinct drew her movements Caleb’s way.

Vaulting over an enemy, using one hand to prop herself on their shoulder and the other to jab a quick punch against their neck, effectively stunning them, Beau landed with flourish before darting off.

Ducking under a swing, Beau caught sight of a nasty looking spell hurtling in her wizard’s direction.

“Caleb!” Beau shouted, chest aching with breathlessness.

He looked dazed, stumbling sideways a step or two before falling as he tried to stand up, face pale. He didn’t seem to react to her voice, and Beau cursed to realize that he was drained, was stuck inside his own head. She launched herself in his direction, praying that she might be faster than a bolt of magic and knowing that she wasn’t.

There was a flash of pale purple, a bright, arcane circle floating in front of Caleb, protecting him and making the spell fizzle and dissipate harmlessly. There was a split second where Beau thought Caleb had finally snapped out of it, but her eyes flit to Essek standing just off the wizard’s right shoulder, expression severe and arm extended Caleb’s way.

Gratitude surged through Beau so fiercely that her knees went weak for a moment. She kept heading for Caleb, knowing that he wasn’t out of the woods just yet. Slotting herself into the space at Caleb’s side, Beau wrapped a firm arm around his shoulders and looked to Essek, mouth already forming the words ‘ _thank you’_ when she spotted the blade heading for his back.

“Essek, behind you!” Beau’s voice came out shriller than normal, choking on the thanks she was about to give him. Her heart stuttered in her chest as he whirled around just in time to catch the blade in his chest instead of his back. A strangled noise left Beau’s throat, quite unwillingly, as she squeezed Caleb’s shoulder and shoved to her feet, taking the unsteady wizard with her. Beau was warring with herself on leaving Caleb’s side ( _leaving him vulnerable_ ) when Fjord’s blade suddenly cleaved into the enemy’s neck.

Beau felt stunned, felt stuck in place as she watched Fjord shove the now dead enemy away from Essek, watched silently as Fjord’s eyes moved back to the drow, wide and concerned. She felt her heart skip in her chest as Essek’s legs seemed to give out and Fjord moved to catch him, his sword vanishing in a flash as he threw both arms out to cushion the impact.

“Essek?” Caleb’s voice sounded raspy from beside Beau, and she looked to him immediately, eyes flitting over her wizard, checking for errant injury and thankfully finding nothing worse than a few bumps and scrapes. Her eyes returned to his face in time to watch realization dawn in Caleb’s expression, his bright blue eyes locked on Essek’s limp, bloodied form being set carefully on the ground by Fjord. He pushed at Beau’s arm a little and she held fast, finally drawing his eyes her way.

“Are you hurt?” Beau asked low and urgent, needing him to tell her, despite what she could see with her own eyes. There was something burning in her chest that felt like protectiveness, and her muscles wouldn’t unlock from where they were wound around his shoulders until he answered her.

“Nothing life-threatening, Beauregard,” Caleb answered her after a few seconds of silence, in which he had looked as if he would shove away from her without answering. But they were good at understanding each other, and he must have seen in her face that she needed to know before she could let him go.

Her fingers loosened their hold on his coat and he was away, rushing to Essek and patting carefully at the drow’s cheek with ash stained fingers. Beau approached a little more slowly, her eyes drifting to meet Fjord’s and they made eye contact abruptly. He looked lost, looked a little panicked.

“Go get Jester and Caduceus,” Beau said, voice still low. She didn’t usually give Fjord instruction, but the balance they struck as captain and first mate was ever shifting. Whoever had better control of their emotions, whoever was less out of their depth took charge. Beau (for some reason) had her feet underneath her, wasn’t floundering and panicking. She was familiar with panic and the feeling of things about to go disastrously wrong. She watched Fjord dash off, stepping briskly over the bodies littered across the clearing they had been fighting in, to go find the others (they always ended up too spread out, too far away from their clerics when things went _wrong_.)

Kneeling quickly on the opposite side of Essek from Caleb, she took a quick glance over a wound that was _far_ beyond her ability to try and staunch, and instead looked to see if Essek was still conscious. His violet eyes were dazed, slightly unfocused, but staring as steadily as possible up at Caleb as blood oozed from the drow’s chest. His eyelids would flutter every few seconds, looking like he was fighting against them closing entirely.

Caleb was hunched over Essek, one hand on the drow’s face, soot colored fingertips tapping against Essek’s cheek lightly every time his eyelids started to droop or flutter. Beau could see the little smudges of ash against Essek’s purple skin where Caleb tapped.

“Keep your eyes open,” Beau caught Caleb muttering as he tapped again at Essek’s cheekbone, smudges spreading. “Jester or Caduceus will be here soon.”

Essek looked for a moment like he was trying to speak, lips parting just slightly before suddenly he was hacking weakly, chest stuttering as blood rapidly stained his lips crimson. Beau's anxiety sky rocketed and her face remained a mask of stone. Caleb's fingers started to visibly shake against a paling purple cheek.

"Don't try to talk, Essek," Beau ordered quietly, voice low and firm. She pulled frantically on the knowledge of basic first aid that Jester had insisted on teaching all of them after a few too many unfortunate incidents. "Save your breath, try to keep it steady. And don't move, don't make the wound or bleeding worse."

It was nothing, in the bigger picture of the fact that Essek was bleeding out on the cold ground, wheezing around bloodstained lips and lying still like the gaping chest wound wasn't rapidly killing him. But the drow obeyed Beau's instructions with a weak huff as dazed eyes lolled her way with a semi-grateful look. Beau gave his shoulder a careful squeeze, hoping he was able to take some kind of comfort from the gesture. She still felt conflicted about Essek - whether or not he could be considered a friend - but she knew with a vast certainty that she did not want him to die.

Essek's eyes roved their way back to Caleb's face and the wizard was already there, waiting to catch Essek's gaze. Beau felt a little like she was intruding on something, so she kept her hand on the drow's shoulder and turned her head to peer around the significantly quieter battlefield. Her ear was still carefully marking the pattern of Essek's wheezing even as Beau scanned frantically for any sign of Fjord returning with the rest of their party. It was clear that Essek didn't have much breath left in his lungs, and Beau found herself genuinely and seriously worried that they might have to try and drag his spirit back into his body instead of just closing some wounds. It felt like a horrible thought, and Beau caught her lower lip between her teeth in an effort to keep it from trembling.

Her scanning proved fruitful, Beau catching sight of Jester dashing towards them, skirts flying behind her as she ran, Veth dashing just a little ahead of the cleric. Relief softened the tension just slightly in Beau's jaw, feeling like there was hope to save Essek.

But then there was a distinctive wheeze, and Caleb scrambled in Beau's peripheral vision, making a noise low in his throat that sounded nothing short of wounded. Whipping her head around, Beau's eyes locked on Essek's chest immediately, on how still it was, flitted up to his purple eyes, noting the glazed look and lack of movement.

"No," Caleb pressed trembling fingers to Essek's throat, just below his jaw, against a jugular they both knew wasn't beating anymore.

Snapping her head back to Jester and Veth, the two much closer now, Beau shouted as loudly as she could, "Jester, hurry!"

The desperate note in her tone must have translated clearly, because Jester was suddenly in pace with Veth and already tugging a diamond free of one of her pockets. Her fingers were tight around the gem as she all but threw herself down beside Beau and carefully nudged the monk aside. Desperate for something to do so she wasn't left to fret, Beau moved to wrap her arms around Caleb's shoulders again, tugging him gently back from Essek, watching as ash covered fingers reached desperately for the limp drow even as he went without a fight. Veth was on Caleb's other side, clinging to the tail of his coat and looking on with wide eyes.

They watched, baited breath and tense jaws as Jester worked, lips moving rapidly as she whispered foreign words, the diamond glowing in her hand before dissolving and dissipating like pink dust across Essek's chest. It happened strangely, the wound staining his chest was there one second, and then they blinked and it was gone. Caleb was taught against Beau's side, muscles coiled so tightly he was shaking as the wizard stayed locked on to Essek's limp form. The drow didn't move for a few rapid heartbeats after the pink dust settled and the wound vanished, and Beau had a sinking feeling that they had been too late, that he was gone. There was a little consolation in the thought that he would be reincarnated through the Beacon, but it was hardly a reassuring thought.

Essek gasped sharply, his breath a weak wheeze. Caleb's knees buckled and Beau fought to keep them both upright for a moment before he was trying to get to Essek's side. She and Veth and Caleb dropped simultaneously beside the drow and Jester leaned over him and beamed at Essek, pressing her hands to his chest and casting more healing magic, drawing him further towards consciousness.

"Ow," Essek grunted, voice low and weak. Beau huffed and kept a firm hold on Caleb, afraid to let him go after everything that had transpired in the last five minutes. Caleb seemed willing to stay within the firm circle of her hold, breath only a little unsteady.

"Welcome back, man," Beau managed, drawing Essek's dazed eyes her way. "We really thought we were going to have to find you as a baby for a second there."

It was meant to be a light jab, something to brighten the mood just a little with how ridiculous it sounded. But Essek's face grew taught, his eyes going a little distant before he said in a voice that was far too calm -

"We aren't within range of a Beacon. I would not have returned."

A sobering silence fell over the group and Caleb broke it by hunching over and pressing his face into his hands with a low, distressed noise. Beau - well-versed in Caleb's mannerisms by now - immediately tightened her hold on him and said as firmly as possible -

"This is not your fault. Don't you dare."

Caleb didn't shake her off, but he didn't agree with her either, and she knew that his silence was the wizard quietly spiraling, blaming his lapse on the fact that Essek was almost lost for good. Beau wouldn't have that, couldn't have that.

"We would be getting the same sentence if he was hurt in a situation you weren't involved in Caleb, so don't you dare blame yourself for this. I'll punch you if you do."

"Beau," Jester hissed quietly as Caleb's shoulders trembled for a moment. Beau waved her off, hearing the wizard's watery chuckle pressed into his fingers at her crass form of affection. He sat up with watery eyes and leaned a little more into Beau and she took his weight happily, reassured. This was normal, which meant they were fine.

"So," Veth's tentative voice asked, pitched with curiosity. "If you hadn't come back, you would have been dead for good?"

Essek, now sitting up with the help of Jester as Fjord, Caduceus, and Yasha came trotting up to them, nodded in a sobering way.

"If Jester had not pulled me back, I would not have been close enough to a beacon to be resurrected. This would have been my first and only life."

"Whoa, what?" Fjord asked as he crouched beside Jester, eyes wide with the new information. "I thought you did that whole reincarnation thing."

Nodding patiently, Essek explained again that they were not within range of a Beacon, that his departed soul would not have been picked up by the Luxon. Fjord looked mildly horrified by the reminder as Caduceus and Yasha merely watched in stoic silence. Eventually, though, Caduceus knelt among them as Yasha moved to stand over Beau and Caleb. The Firbolg gave Essek that serene smile of his.

"Well, it's good that we're here then. We won't let you stray too far."

It was such a simple reassurance, something so easy, but the way Caduceus said it felt so heavy, so certain. Whatever they needed to do, whatever Essek needed to do, they wouldn't let him get far from where he needed to be. Thinking back to the hollow feeling in her chest when they had realized that Essek had betrayed them, Beau decided that she liked this feeling better - the reassurance that Essek was their friend, was going to stick with them long enough for him to rectify his mistakes and learn from them, too.

His voice was watery and uneven when Essek managed a quiet, "thank you."

Beau reached out and squeezed his shoulder again, Caleb still tucked firmly under her other arm and looking quite content there. She knew that Essek still had a long way to go, had no where near made up for his mistakes and the lives lost because of his choices, but protecting Caleb was a sign that there was still good in him. Even if his altruism was extended only to the Mighty Nein for right now, they could work on it.

There was still hope, she supposed.


End file.
